How to get your head straight with a list

This is from Winston Churchill

When Winston Churchill faced a dilemma (which was often) he said he would sit down and write 2 lists. “I write a list of all the things I can control in a situation, then a list of all that I can’t control. Then”, he said, “I do something about each thing I can control. And then”, taking a deep breath, “I go to sleep”.

If it’s good enough to help a British Prime Minister lead a nation through a world war and more, it’s probably good enough for most.

This list is doable anytime, anywhere, in any scenario:

1. Draw a line, or fold, down the middle of a page (even a napkin will do).
2. At the top on one side write “CAN” and on the other side at the top write “CAN’T”. Do it whichever way round feels best.
3. Starting with ‘CAN’T’ flush out all the things/behaviours which are not in your control.
4. Then shift your attention to what, specifically, is within your control.
5. Notice the length of what’s listed on each side.

Stressed? Write a list of what you can and can’t control. The key is to be specific. “I can’t control the way x talks about y, but I can control the way I talk about y to x”.

Anxious? Write the list. Are you in control of your breathing? Safe places? Asking for help?

Frustrated? It works for this too. The key is don’t avoid what’s yours. Responsibility not blame.

A student overwhelmed with revision? Write the list. You can’t control when exams are or what the questions will be, but you can control your effort, momentum, mindset, attitude, preparation. Plug into your power.

You’re a parent. Or a boss. Or overworked. Or all 3. Write the list.

If it’s something you can’t control but you can influence (e.g. a relationship dynamic) then ask yourself what can you control/do/initiate about that?

What makes it even better?

• For each item on the “Can’t” side of the list, match it with a “Can”, side by side.
• It’s not just a “move away from x” list (to avoid or reduce a problem), it’s also a “move toward y” list (toward a goal or state of being).
• Once you’ve got the list written (so it’s not jumbled thoughts in your mind, but words which sit still on the page) you can rip it down the line or fold. Throw away the side regarding what isn’t in your control.
• On the “Can” list you’re left with – what is the next step you can do straight away? “There is magic in beginning” said Goethe.

The List is like a helicopter, lifting you above what you’re in and what’s in you. Writing it forces clarity. It zones you in on choice, shifts you back onto the ‘cause’ side of the equation, rather than lolling around in ‘effect’.

Happy list-making.